Monday, 16 May 2011

Are You Ready For The Big Search Engine Switch Off?

In a bid to improve the Internet all search engines are to be permanently switched off. The decision was announced today by the organisation who control the Internet, the Directorate of Internet Communication and Knowledge Services or DICKS.

The decision was taken following reports that servers were filling up with garbage created purely to manipulate search results and promote sub standard websites to the top. A spokesmen for DICKS said, "It's clear to us that much of the information on-line is not all that good, in fact it's a bit rubbish. It's also clear that this information, some of which doesn't even make sense when you read it, is created purely to game the search engines such as Google. By taking this unprecedented step we believe we can improve the overall quality of the information available on-line and create a legacy for our children."

A spokesman for Google said, "Oh fuck" and went on to say "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." while Bing's head of corporate communications said "This is unlikely to affect us as it's aimed at search engines". Yahoo's PR company have released a statement which says "Whilst we are cautious about the removal of search engines from the Internet we're kind of glad because although we stole a lead on many we somehow messed up and got left behind."

So what does this dramatic turn of events mean to the average website owner? The first thing many website owners will see is a 100% drop in sales followed by a general feeling that things aren't quite right. In short those who relied on the search engines to drive traffic to their sites will almost certainly struggle to sell anything and affiliate marketers, thought by many to be the main cause of the poor content that brought about this action, will have to revert to earning a living.

There are however some website owners who will survive and thrive in the post search engine Internet world but who wants to know about those smug bastards?

Answers on a postcard, ask Eric Ward for a clue.


More in this category: General SEO, Link Building